Training Exercise
by Kathryn Claire O'Connor
Summary: Coulson orders the Avengers and their significant others to do a training exercise for going undercover - dancing with someone you'd rather not - and it's harder for some to look smitten with their dance partners than others. Canon pairings plus Loki/Darcy, Steve/Maria Hill, Loki/Natasha, Clint/Jane, Thor/Maria Hill, Steve/Pepper, Tony/Betty, Bruce/Darcy. *crackish. seven drabbles*
1. Chapter 1

**After this prologue, all the chapters are drabble-sized. Be warned: cannon pairings are here along with Loki/Darcy and Steve/Maria, and - if you want to look at them as such - crack pairings abound.**

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"It's to help you should you need to go on undercover missions, Mr. Stark," Coulson answered. "I've told you before; just consider it another training exercise."

"But, really," Steve added from where he was standing with the other Avengers and their respective significant others. "Ballroom dancing?"

"Honestly, it won't kill any of you," Phil said with a deep, longsuffering sigh and a note to self to remind Fury that he really did need a raise for this.

"He might kill us," Natasha butted in, glaring at Loki.

"Do we really have to go into the 'why Loki would make a good addition to the team' again?" Phil asked. "Let's not; let's try to stay on point right now. No more whining, anybody; let's just get this thing done. This training exercise really shouldn't be any problem for you, right, Agent Romanoff? You go undercover to dances all the time… so let's make it a bit of a mental challenge for you. Today we are going to be switching you up; taking away your girlfriends and making you all dance with someone you are relatively unused to dealing with, since you never know who you're going to have to end up with in a real-life situation. Agent Romanoff, since you seem so eager to point him out, let's put you with Loki."

"I object!" Darcy yelped, grabbing her boyfriend's arm.

"Objection overruled. Loki, if you would take your partner, please. I'm sure the fallen prince of Asgard is familiar with dancing?"

Loki glared at Phil but nodded as he gave Darcy a kiss on the forehead and took Natasha's hand. He muttered to her, "He's punishing me."

"Who do you really think is getting the worse end of this between the two of us?" Nat asked him.

He glared down at her, saying, "Agree to disagree."

"Okay," Phil said, looking at the remaining Avengers and their girlfriends. "Darcy looks like she needs to calm down a bit, so why don't you go with Bruce; he's good at calm."

Darcy looked warily at the scientist, but allowed him to take her hand and lead her out onto the floor nonetheless. Looking at her dance partner, Natasha only smirked to see Loki tense up a little at that.

"Feeling threatened?" she asked the god.

"Only for Darcy," he replied tersely.

"Now I'm sure that Steve would rather Agent Hill taught him how to dance, but I think that Thor's going to be a little more lost than him, so why don't… Hill partner with Thor and Cap take… Pepper. That leaves Clint dancing with Jane and Tony with Betty; I apologize in advance for your broken toes, Dr. Ross."

"Prepare to be surprised, Agent," Tony said, suddenly sporting a charming smile as he led Betty out onto the dance floor.

"Coulson, I can't dance any more than Steve or Thor can," Agent Hill protested.

"Well, if one prince of Asgard can dance, then so can the other," Thor said, smiling suavely as he took her hand.

Phil took a deep breath, asking, "Is that everybody?"

"Yes," Maria answered.

"Good. The idea here is that you're undercover and you need to convince me that you are desperately in love with the person whose hand you are holding. You're so entirely lost in your dance partner that you cannot possibly be listening in on the conversation that Senator XYZ is having two tables away from you, alright?"

Natasha and Clint both rolled their eyes - could anyone say "old hat" please?

"Got it," Tony said for the group.

"So, for those among us who aren't so comfortable dancing, let's just start with a simple box step," Phil said, retreating to the corner of the room and playing classical music off of his iPod. "And action. Convince me… and remember, part of the charade is that the real significant other of someone can't show that they care what's happening with that person. You've got to make me think your attention is entirely on the person in front of you. And don't forget to keep dancing! Watch Agents Barton and Romanoff for a second if you need to, they know what they're doing here."


	2. Loki and Natasha

**Sorry this chapter's _so_ short****; ****I think part of the Natasha/Loki POV actually ended up in the prologue, and I couldn't figure out how to work it into this chapter instead.**

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"Does that mean that I need to pretend to be infatuated by you, my dear Agent Romanoff?" Loki asked with his usual sly smile.

"That's what I'm hearing," Natasha answered, her smile all teeth despite her terse tone.

Loki sighed laboriously and said, "Very well; let's - what is the saying? - show them how it's done."

Nat stepped closer to the god of mischief, wrapping her arms calmly around his neck as his hands slid to rest below the small of her back. It took all of her self-restraint not to knee him right where they were. Yes, she was used to smarmy guys touching her, but this was Loki, and after what he had done to Clint… That was Coulson's point though. She needed to be able to play along, even with the scum of the earth… or of Asgard, as the case was. So she smiled and she flirted with Loki just like she had done a million times before – but she had never wanted to kill someone so badly in her life as she wanted to end Loki Laufeyson in that moment, and they both knew it.

And Natasha certainly wasn't helped when Coulson calmly pointed out how well the assassin and the god were working together.


	3. Clint and Jane

Jane had no idea what she was doing. She had no idea how to do this, and she was fumbling all over herself trying to make it look natural. She knew how to do a box step, sure, but to make it look like she was having fun – let alone enamored with – Clint Barton was something that she was having much more difficulty with. And he knew it.

"Hey," Clint grinned at her, moving into position as the music started. He intertwined their fingers together, murmuring, "Relax. Coulson's right; I've done this so many times with Tasha; I could do it in my sleep. Besides, your job is just to follow my lead."

"How?" she asked, a blush crawling up her cheeks.

"Look at Tasha. She hates Loki's guts on a lot of levels, but she's grinning like she's love-struck anyway. Laugh if it'll help you loosen up. Loki says you like to slap people; I've had that done to me too, if you'd rather."

Jane snorted, looking down at her feet as they began to step to the music.

"Look at me," Clint said, taking his hand from her waist for as long as it took to hook his finger under her chin and tilt it back towards him. "And don't forget to smile at the momentary love of your life."

"This is so weird," she hissed, forcing a fake smile onto her face.

He raised his eyebrows, his version of agreeing with her, Jane supposed, and said, "Yeah, but you'll get used to it. What are you going to do if you become queen of Asgard and have to attend all of those balls?"

"Asgard hardly is the type of place for balls; they're more about post-battle, drunken revelry."

Clint snorted, looking at Thor over her head as he admitted, "That doesn't surprise me."

"And, besides, even if there were balls, I would be dancing with Thor."

"Until some ugly old general stepped in and stole a dance. What would you do then?"

"Smile and laugh at all of his stupid jokes?" she guessed, cringing at the idea.

"Bingo. Might as well start practicing right here. Forget about convincing Phil; the best thing you can do is convince yourself. If you can't look at me and do that, move closer and put your head on my shoulder."

Jane took a deep breath and then laughed, her eyes drifting closed as she stepped up, rested her head on his chest and let him take over. Her arms snaked around Hawkeye's waist and one of his hands came up to run through her hair.

Maybe she could do this after all. It was actually pretty easy when she was doing it with Clint Barton.


	4. Thor and Maria

"You're good at this," Maria said in surprise as she looked up at Thor.

"Thank you," Thor said, still smiling kindly at her. "Despite what Jane just said about Asgardians not holding balls, my mother made sure that my brother and I knew how to do certain dances, and this one is simple enough to pick up even if I wasn't familiar with it."

"You know," Maria pointed out. "You can't be very captivated by me if you're watching Jane's every move. A real lover would be very upset with you by now."

Thor laughed out loud and said, "Then I suppose I ought to pay more attention to you, my lovely lady."

Maria nearly gasped in the next moment when she felt Thor slide a bobby pin out of her hair, first one and then a handful of others until her walnut-colored locks tumbled down her shoulders.

The demigod's eyes had become mesmerized by her as he held her gaze and asked, "Do you think Agent Coulson believes our acting?"

Her heart was beating a little fast as she admitted, "Well, I believe it, so he'd better."

Thor's blue eyes flickered with concern as he asked, "Have I offended you?"

With one hand on his waist and the other resting on his chest, Maria shook her head, "No. Why would I be offended that you're a really good dancer _and_ actor?"

"Are you bothered by my actions, then?"

"No," Maria decided, adding a wink and a grin just for affect.

She was certainly surprised by how well Thor was doing with this – and with how easily he was getting her into the smooth rhythm of the dance. Dancing with Thor was definitely different and definitely weird – she would still have much rather been in Steve's arms either way – but it was actually kind of fun.


	5. Steve and Pepper

Pepper flinched

"Sorry, Miss Potts," Steve muttered, flushing when he stepped on her foot.

"It's okay, Steve," she said dismissively, correcting the way their hands were positioned. " And call me Pepper, please. It can take a minute to get into the rhythm of the movements if you're not used to dancing."

Steve took a deep breath and glanced at the floor, saying, "Nope. I haven't danced since the war."

"Well, I'm flattered to have the honor of being your first dance partner in so long," Pepper replied with a grin. "Come on, Steve, just relax. What's one dance between friends? You used to act, right? So just act with me now… pretend that I'm someone else, if that would help."

Steve snorted. "No, that won't help."

"At least smile, then, please? Pretend I'm one of those pretty USO girls who just want a piece of good ole Captain America."

Steve shuddered at that, and Pepper couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, okay! Don't do that." Then she thought of a different tactic. "You remember how you lost your shield yesterday?"

"Of course," Steve frowned.

"It was Tony who took it… and he ran experiments on it."

Steve's eyebrows rose protectively as he asked, "Did he?"

Pepper nodded before asking conspiratorially, "Is Tony watching us?"

"Yes," Steve said, glancing over her shoulder towards Tony.

"So why don't we just punish him for his little act of thieving?"

"How so?" Steve asked warily.

Pepper stretched her prettiest smile across her face and moved Steve's hands so that they were as low on her back as Loki's were on Natasha. His cheeks became a little pink as she wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder, letting her eyes drift closed with a blissful expression on her face. Though she didn't show it, she was surprised when he followed her lead and rested his chin on the top of her head.

A second later, his lips ghosted near her ear as he whispered so only she could hear, "They should've put you with Loki."

Pepper smiled at that and asked, her voice only a murmur, "But we're convincing them, aren't we?"

Steve's tone held a grin as he whispered, "I think we might just have made Tony furious."

"Good for us; that means we are being convincing."

She felt Steve's chest heave in a sigh beneath her cheek as he tucked her head back underneath his chin while they kept dancing. Something told her that dancing was a big deal for Steve, but whatever was going on inside his head, he was handling it well, and she was glad that she had been able to help him.


	6. Tony and Betty

"Are they really bothering you that much?" Betty asked carefully, glancing first at Pepper and Steve and then at her dance partner, Tony.

"Yes," he ground out, glaring at his girlfriend and the super soldier over Betty's shoulder with sparking brown eyes. "Look at them! Wouldn't that bother you if it were your girlfriend?" Betty just stared at him with upraised eyebrows until he realized what he had said and he whined, "You know what I mean!"

"Yes," Betty agreed. "I do know, but I also know that Steve is an actor and Pepper likes to get under your skin. Which is exactly what they're doing right now, am I right?"

He switched his gaze to meet her eyes and glared unhappily.

"They're only doing this training exercise like Agent Coulson asked us too. The same as you and I should be doing so quit glaring at Steve and dance with me."

"I can dance and glare at the same time."

"Tony, please," she pleaded. "You know how to seduce a girl, so convince Phil that's what you're trying to do."

"Fine," Tony huffed. "I will be so caught up with Betty Ross that I won't pay any mind to Steve Rogers putting his hands all over my girlfriend."

Betty snorted. "Steve would never – not really. He's _acting_, and it's your turn to do the same."

"As you wish," Tony said with a soft sigh before he forced himself to smile charismatically, pulled her flush against him, and turned his full attention to her and the dance that they were doing, remarking, "You know, you're really good at calming people down when you want to; has anyone ever told you that?"

She smiled, a shy blush heating her cheeks – right now she was just supposed to be a silly girl caught up in the excitement of having _the _Tony Stark's undivided attention – and answered with a small laugh, "I've had plenty of practice at it."

"I'm sure," Tony replied. "Which works out well, because it makes us look good right now."

It really wasn't all that hard because, truth be told, Betty could see how a silly little girl might truly get caught up in Tony Stark's big, expressive brown eyes and even bigger smile.


	7. Bruce and Darcy

**Sorry if this one seems OOC to anyone else but me...**

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"You think she talked him out of trying to kill Steve?" Darcy asked while she and Bruce awkwardly tried to maneuver their way around the dance floor while simultaneously keep their eyes on their respective significant others.

Bruce glanced at Tony before answering, "Yeah."

"Are you going to kill Tony?" Darcy asked, eyeing the doctor warily when she saw the way he was looking at Betty's pretty expression being aimed towards Tony.

Bruce pointedly tore his gaze away from his girlfriend dancing with his best friend. "Of course not; this is just a dance, an acting exercise."

"Stupid SHIELD's stupid version of a stupid training exercise," Darcy agreed, not quite buying into the idea that "the other guy" wasn't about to try and lunge at Tony Stark.

Silence reigned between them, as tense as the two of them were while they danced, until Coulson called out to them, "You two aren't in love; you're not even planning on hooking up tonight! I am not convinced."

Darcy sent a glare over her shoulder in the agent's direction, but took a half-step towards Bruce and brought her hands up to play in his dark curls while he held her around the waist and kept them moving in step with the music. "You know, if you're that worried about Betty, I think it's worth mentioning that Loki is protective of Jane."

"What?" Bruce asked in confusion.

Darcy rolled her eyes and moved closer to whisper in his ear – if Agent Coulson wanted a hook-up scene then she'd do her best to give it to him – "Even Loki, for all of the faults that you Avengers hold against him, will protect Jane – his brother's girl – when a situation arises that requires it."

"Yeah, but Tony isn't my brother."

"Thor adopted Loki as his brother, just like Tony's adopted you as his – more or less. It's the same idea either way. My point is that Betty's safe, and you're really pointlessly worked up right now."

"And you're really not subtle about what you're afraid of," Bruce smirked.

"I'm cautious, not afraid," Darcy corrected. "Loki's my boyfriend; I'm used to dealing with people who are perceived as monsters. It's no big deal. None of this is. Just relax and have fun with me; it's just a training exercise."

Bruce nodded, starting to trace patterns on her back as a stab at looking comfortable with having Darcy in his arms like this. "You're right; it's just a training exercise, and I happen to think that we're all being pretty convincing."

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**Thus we come to the end of this story, but I wonder... how do you feel about Fury telling them to do a week-or-longer method acting exercise with their dance partners, as in "Steve, pretend you're dating Pepper this week instead of Maria?"**


End file.
